Brendan Flannagan

My wife’s daily commute crossed the Avenue de Saxe. If she stopped for a moment, she could look upon the Eiffel Tower. She lived in Paris, France. Ernest Hemmingway famously wrote, “Paris is a movable feast.” A feast she daily experienced: café on the terrace, pain au chocolat at the Boulangerie, and soufflé in the Brasserie. Each accompanied by the élan, panache, and vogue one would expect from the City of Lights.

When we married, she left behind the cafés, museums, and shops of her beloved city to take residence in Binghamton, New York. The Business Insider rated her new home #5 in “The Most Depressing Cities In America”. Without a driver’s license or a Boulangerie- “A what?”- the “movable feast” had stopped, or rather derailed. Needless to say, her friends, family, and even she began to question the move. Yet, she never questioned the marriage.

Soon enough, we realized how little we had in common. I was the son of an upstate tin-knocker and stay-at-home mom; she was the daughter of a Parisian father and a Hong Kongese mother both working as successful architects in the culture capital of the world. I barely graduated college; she had a Master’s degree. I worked as a bike mechanic; she interned with the top scientists in France. I spoke English with a great mumbling; she spoke English, Cantonese, Italian, and, of course, a beautifully accented Parisian French.

I married up! This was the family consensus. “But, now what?” We could find no middle ground. Yes, we loved each other, as much as two young people could, but love cannot reconcile one’s appetite for soufflé into a hamburger. Or, change one’s passion for long walks on the Seine finished with hot chocolate into epic mountain bike rides interspersed with shots of stale Gatorade. We faced two possible solutions: compromise, the death knell of any relationship, or sacrifice.

Early in our dating relationship, we agreed that God’s word was true and that we would submit to its teachings. So, with every step, we looked to the Scriptures for guidance. This provided an incredibly rich and challenging experience and formed the bedrock of our marriage. But, many accounted this as a youth ideology sure to fail after the honeymoon.

Certainly, real life caused us to reexamine our position, but we soon realized our marriage was not built on our youthful ideology, but God’s timeless truth- His word. In the Book of Isaiah, we read, “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.” (Isa 40:8) God’s word never failed to unite us and never left us unsatisfied. Instead, despite the circumstances and the great cultural differences, we found God slowly knitting our hearts together in Christ Jesus. (Col 2:2).

So, while the trials existed and continue to persist, the joys far outweighed any differences. We discovered our dislikes are just that “dislikes”, passing desires with only a temporal worth. But, what we entrust to God has an eternal value for it rests upon an indestructible foundation- the person of Christ (Eph [2:20]). In his letter to the church at Ephesus, Paul writes, regarding marriage, “Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” (Eph [5:21]) This fear of Christ formed the basis of our relationship and ultimately led to a rich and abiding love, which surpassed our natural desires.

This was the great joy of an inter-cultural, inter-ethnic, inter-class marriage. We had nothing in common. We could not fabricate our relationship from a shared interest, only Christ satisfied us! In our joint pursuit of Christ, we found our love richer and deeper, than any shared desires or mutual hobby could ever provide. We came to understand the joy of Christ. In his letter to the Colossians, Paul writes,

 “that their hearts may be encouraged, having been knit together in love, and attaining to all the wealth that comes from the full assurance of understanding, resulting in a true knowledge of God’s mystery, that is, Christ Himself, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.”

In Christ, we found our hearts knit together in love. He was the basis of our joy and commitment. Now, we no longer faced compromise, only a joyous sacrifice.